What Do You Need More: Food or Affection?
Imagine you are a baby monkey. In front of you are two figures that can «take care of you»: one is a metal skeleton that gives you milk; the other is a soft cloth figure that doesn’t feed you, but feels warm and welcoming. Which one would you choose to approach? This was the question that inspired Harlow’s experiment, a famous study that helped us understand the importance of contact and emotional bonding in development.
Before you keep reading, watch this short black-and-white video that shows how the experiment was carried out. Watch carefully what happens and, above all, ask your own brain what it feels when seeing the monkeys in different situations.
What did Harlow’s experiment demonstrate?
For a long time, it was thought that infants (both animal and human) only needed food to survive. However, psychologist Harry Harlow demonstrated that contact and affection are equally or more important than food.
In his experiment, Harlow separated baby monkeys from their mothers and presented them with two surrogate figures:
- A wire «mother» with a bottle of milk.
- A cloth «mother», with no food, but soft and comforting.
The results were surprising: the monkeys preferred to spend more time with the cloth mother than with the wire mother, even though the latter had the milk that fed them.
When they were frightened, they ran to the cloth mother for protection. In other words, their need for affection, security, and physical contact was stronger than their need for food.
How does this relate to our daily life?
Even though we are humans and not monkeys, our social brain works in a similar way. Affectionate contact, emotional closeness, and bonding with other people are essential to our well-being.
Think about these questions:
- When have you felt safest in your life? Was it just because you had what you needed to live, or because someone offered you affection and support?
- At school, what do you think is more important: just receiving information, or also feeling valued and trusted by classmates and teachers?
- How do you think the emotional climate of the classroom affects the way we learn?
Reflection and action: turn it into part of your life
After watching the video and reading this text, think about your school and family environment. Try to answer and share these ideas with your group:
- How can you help make your classroom’s climate more welcoming?
- How can you make a classmate feel safer and more valued?
- What small acts of kindness or closeness can improve coexistence?
- Choose a concrete action.
- For one week, try to perform a small act of closeness and emotional support within your group (listening to someone, asking how they are, acknowledging a classmate’s effort, etc.).
- Share your experience.
- What did you notice when applying this in your environment?
- How do you think emotional security affects your own learning and that of others?
Conclusion: We Are Social Beings, Not Machines.
Harlow’s experiment taught us something fundamental: emotional connections are just as important as physical needs.
At school, at home, with friends, emotional security and affection can make the difference between surviving and thriving fully. Choose to be part of an environment where people not only are present, but also feel safe, seen, and valued.